(Kaya goes to the counter. Ivan is sitting there reading. Kaya
sits down next to him, and puts her arm around him. Ivan looks up
surprised and happy.)
Kaya: What’s going on, Ivan?
Ivan: I’m reading this book, it’s sweet.
Kaya: Ivan, what do you think about me?
Ivan: I think you’re insane, why do you ask?
Kaya: Because I don’t know what to think of myself.
Ivan: Don’t think about yourself, it’s scary.
Kaya: Alyosha just ripped me a new mental asshole.
Ivan: Don’t worry, I ripped him a new one earlier. He was
probably just mad that I bitched at him, so he decided to pick on
you.
Kaya: Do you think I’m cute?
Ivan: Yeah, why?
Kaya: You know how it is, low self-esteem.
Ivan: People die of those, so watch out.
Kaya: I will.
Ivan: Have you noticed there’s a lot of deep eye contact
between you and Alyosha.
Kaya: There is?
Ivan: Yeah, I’ve been watching it. And you made him laugh
too, once or twice. Alyosha told me that he only would love girls
that made him laugh.
Kaya: Does Liz make him laugh?
Ivan: I’ve never seen him laugh because of her once.
Kaya: Never… But Liz is my best friend, and I wouldn’t
do anything to hurt her… I think Alyosha is cute and all,
but I can’t betray Liz even if their relationship ends or
sucks.
Ivan: You won’t betray her if you don’t do anything
with him.
Kaya: But him even looking at me like that is betrayal; do you
think Liz noticed?
Ivan: Unless she’s a complete idiot. But Liz is so infatuated
with him, she probably didn’t see it.
Kaya: I can’t handle this drama, Ivan, I suffer from generalized
anxiety disorder.
Ivan: Don’t then, leave… Their relationship will be
over soon anyway, and you won’t ever have to see him again.
Kaya: Why do you think it’ll be over soon?
Ivan: Because Alyosha doesn’t love her, he doesn’t
care about her, he just wanted attention, that’s why he called
her. See, Alyosha loves females, but only that they are females,
he rarely ever loves who they are, except if they make him laugh…
She doesn’t make him laugh, so he doesn’t care about
her.
Kaya: I think he’s cute, and he’s interesting. Like
he’s got the qualities of a good and bad boy. (Pause) I like
that about him, but I can’t betray Liz, she’d kill me.
Ivan: Then don’t betray her, just leave, and never see him
again. You can live without him. It’s just Alyosha, he’s
a maniac.
Kaya: But he’s such a beautiful maniac though. Liz showed
me some of the poems he’s written, they’re really good,
he’s got a lot of talent.
Ivan: Yes, he is a very talented writer.
Kaya: Yeah, but I don’t know. What am I thinking?
Ivan: You’re thinking you want Alyosha.
Kaya: I know I am, but he’s Liz’s. And even if they
stopped seeing each other, I still could never see him.
Ivan: You’re right about that. Liz is so stupidly in love
with him, it’s unbearable to watch.
Kaya: I have to go back over though.
Ivan: Okay.
Kaya: I’ll be back.
(Kaya walks back to the table. She sits down awkwardly.)
Liz: What did Ivan have to say?
Kaya: He said I needed to touch boys a little to get their attention.
Alyosha: I told you.
Kaya: I think I’m going home and sleep.
Liz: Yeah, me too. You ready to go, Alyosha?
Alyosha: Yeah, honey.
(In Alyosha’s car driving home.)
Liz: I’m tired of this.
Alyosha: Tired of what?
Liz: This relationship, you’re never going to love me, I’m
going to sit here waiting forever, and you’ll never love me.
You’re just waiting until someone comes along who’s
better. Someone prettier.
Alyosha: Oh, don’t say that.
Liz: No, it’s true. I don’t even think you like me.
Alyosha: I do like you, it’s just that.
Liz: That what?
Alyosha: It’s just that I don’t love you, I’m
not attracted to you in that way.
Liz: You were attracted to me the other day when we had sex?
Alyosha: I am sexually attracted to you, but I can’t love
you. I’m incapable of loving anyone at this point in my life.
Liz: I know, you’re so confused about who you are right now.
Alyosha: I know who I am, I’m Alyosha the writer. But when
it comes to loving someone, I can’t do it right now. I just
can’t.
Liz: But it feels so perfect when we’re together?
Alyosha: It doesn’t feel perfect for me.
Liz: It doesn’t.
Alyosha: No… It’s like if I was gay or something, you’d
be the perfect fag hag, but we don’t belong together in some
love thing.
Liz: Alyosha, I love you though.
Alyosha: You don’t love me, you’re infatuated.
Liz: I’m not infatuated, what I feel is real!
Alyosha: It’s not real, it’s a delusion, it’s
unreal. You’ve made this love thing up in your head to compensate
for something lacking in your psychology. This isn’t real,
this isn’t love, I’m sorry.
Liz: What did I do wrong?
Alyosha: You didn’t do anything wrong, you’re fine
just the way you are. But who you are isn’t right for me.
It’s not good or bad, it’s just not right for me.
Liz: I’m so stupid. (Liz starts crying) I’m
so stupid, why did I let this happen?
Alyosha: It’s mostly my fault; I shouldn’t have led
you on like I did.
Liz: But you’re my destiny, I was to be together forever
with you. You and me were gonna live in New York together, you would
be a writer and I would be a painter.
Alyosha: I’m sorry, but you should know expectations are
a shortcut to suffering.
Liz: I can’t live without you.
Alyosha: Well, here we are in the driveway… I’m sorry
about everything, I seriously am. I wish things could have turned
out differently, but life doesn’t work like that. I’m
sorry I don’t love you, if I could, I would. You’re
a beautiful girl, and I know everything will work out for the best;
it’ll be all right.
Liz: Alyosha (she says with tears in her eyes) I love
you, I do, I really do, and I know you love me too.
Alyosha: I’m sorry, but I don’t.
Liz: You do, I know you do!
Alyosha: Liz, you’re a great girl, but we weren’t made
for each other.
(Long silence)
Liz: Okay, I have to go. (She exits the car)
(Back at Denny’s. Ivan is still sitting at the counter
reading. Alyosha comes in and sits next to Ivan)
Alyosha: Guess what just happened?
Ivan: You broke up with Liz.
Alyosha: Yeah, how did you know?
Ivan: It was bound to happen sooner or later.
Alyosha: Yeah, I’ve really dragged it out.
Ivan: Yeah, it was quite immoral of you.
Alyosha: Yeah, I know, but I wanted something to do three days
a week, and she was perfect for that.
Ivan: Never use people as a means, Alyosha, you know that.
Alyosha: Yeah, but I was so lonely, and she was so nice.
Ivan: She is a nice girl.
Alyosha: Yeah, she is.
(Pause)
Ivan: How did it go, did she cry?
Alyosha: Yeah, she cried all over the goddamn place.
Ivan: Girls do that.
Alyosha: I’ve seen so many girls cry, and the more I see
it, the more it seems like their tears have nothing to do with me.
It’s like some hidden repressed memory comes to the front
of the psyche and causes those tears, not me. I don’t know
how I cause tears; I’m just me.
Ivan: Yeah, but you’re Alyosha the maniac. You exude sexuality
with your eccentric nature, woman love that. They fall in love with
you easily because you seem to understand their problems, you seem
to care, but in all actuality you don’t. You only listen to
what they have to say so you can put it in a book if it sounds interesting.
You don’t care about anyone, not even yourself Alyosha. You’re
an egocentric megalomaniac.
Alyosha: I am.
Ivan: Yeah, you are. You only care about one thing, and that’s
your writing. Look how you live in your parent’s house, sponging
off of them… While you justify your laziness with the fact
you write a couple of pages every other day. See, the reason it
doesn’t bother you is because you live in your own little
world where only intellectual bullshit enters. You’re so far
removed from reality you can barely talk to people. Right now, I
bet you’re thinking of five different thoughts while I’m
talking to you. Are you?
Alyosha: I am, actually.
Ivan: See, you’re trapped in your head and you can’t
get out, that’s the problem. That’s why you didn’t
feel guilty about leading Liz on, because you’re so far gone
that simple people emotions don’t affect you. The emotions
you care about are ones that great people had like Joyce or Ginsberg,
it’s not that you don’t care about people anymore, it’s
that you’ve left reality. You’ve gone to some intellectual
planet where you stare down at people with a telescope studying
them, not bonding with them.
Alyosha: Is that why you call me a maniac?
Ivan: Yes, because you’re gone, and that’s all.
Alyosha: What am I supposed to do with myself?
Ivan: Go on SSI, write one book after another till you get one
published, cus you’ll never make it in the world. Also don’t
leave the house, cus you’re a hazard to people who frequent
the public.
Alyosha: Will you visit me?
Ivan: Yeah, I’ll visit you; I’ll be your editor.
Alyosha: Cool. I have something to tell you though.
Ivan: That you have a crush on Kaya.
Alyosha: Yeah, how’d you know?
Ivan: I watched your eyes caress her body the whole time you guys
were talking.
Alyosha: Are you serious?
Ivan: Yup.
Alyosha: Maybe that’s why Liz figured out the relationship
wasn’t gonna work.
Ivan: Could be.
Alyosha: I think I really like Kaya, she’s so cute, and intelligent,
and she makes me laugh, too.
Ivan: I know, I saw the laughter.
Alyosha: You did, what did you think?
Ivan: I think you like her.
Alyosha: But what am I supposed to do, she’s Liz’s
best friend.
Ivan: Do nothing, go home, watch television, read a book.
Alyosha: I can’t just sit here, I have to get, she made me
laugh… A girl hasn’t made me laugh since Nora.
Ivan: That was a long time ago.
Alyosha: Yeah, it was. She was a great girl, too.
Ivan: She bitched at you constantly.
Alyosha: I know, but she made me laugh even when she was bitching.
I just know that Kaya could make me laugh. She has it in her; she
has it in her to make me love her.
Ivan: You wanna know something?
Alyosha: What?
Ivan: I had the same conversation with her earlier.
Alyosha: You did, what did she say?
Ivan: She said she thinks you’re cute.
Alyosha: She does. You notice all it takes to make a relationship
is the fact someone thinks someone else is cute.
Ivan: Yeah, that’s humans… But listen, you can’t
do anything, you’ve already done enough damage to Liz, don’t
do any more.
Alyosha: Oh, you’re right, I’ve been kind of a prick.
Ivan: Yeah, you have.
Alyosha: But Ivan, this is life, I have to do these things, I’m
Alyosha the maniac, I must do insane things, that’s what I’m
best at.
Ivan: But don’t you see, it’s immoral.
Alyosha: What do you care about morality, you believe everything
is beyond good and evil.
Ivan: You do have a point there, but listen, there are things we
must do as humans, and I believe one of them is be nice to each
other, don’t emotionally screw with each other. If you go
after Kaya, and get her. Which will be easy because she’s
in an intense moment of desperation. You will destroy their friendship
of four years.
Alyosha: Listen, their friendship sucks. In reality Liz doesn’t
even like Kaya. Liz only likes to believe she is still fond of Kaya,
but she isn’t. Both have moved on to different places, if
I broke up their friendship, it would be a favor.
Ivan: You have the most fucked up logic of any person I’ve
ever met.
Alyosha: It’s artist’s logic.
Ivan: You’re a maniac.
Alyosha: Oh God, I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t
go from one girl to the next; my life is so fucked up. I can’t
love; I’m completely incapable of it. Do you see me, Ivan?
Ivan: Yes, and you know what I see?
Alyosha: What?
Ivan: A lonely, lonely man.
Alyosha: Aren’t you lonely, you’ve read most of the
books I have, you’ve read about the horrors of reality, why
aren’t you depressed and insane like me?
Ivan; I’m an Aries, you’re a Libra, that’s why.
Alyosha: This is because of my astrological sign?
Ivan: Yes, your madness is all because of your astrological sign.
Alyosha: That’s absurd.
Ivan: No, it’s stark reality.
Alyosha: You’re crazy, Ivan.
Ivan: Look who just came in?
Alyosha: Who?
(Before he knows it, Kaya is standing there.)
Ivan: How come you’re back, isn’t tomorrow a school
day?
Kaya: Yeah, but I’m not going tomorrow, I’m too depressed.
Ivan: Good reason.
Alyosha: Wanna get a table together?
Kaya: Yeah, that sounds good.
(They both get up, and go to a booth. They sit on opposite
sides of the booth. A server comes over and pours them cups of coffee,
and gives them silverware.)
Alyosha: So how are you doing?
Kaya: I’m doing horrible.
Alyosha: What’s wrong, tell me about it?
Kaya: Well, I’m lonely. And it’s so shitty to go to
sleep alone, I can’t bear it. It’s like all the loneliness
of the day collapses down on me; all the pain of being alive destroys
me right before I go to sleep…It’s so hard to sleep,
too, and I’m so miserable I never get a good rest. I just
want someone to be next to me, someone to comfort and hold me in
the night. But no one is there, it’s just me, and I’m
so alone. And I was so sad earlier today when I heard how good you
and Liz were doing. I was so jealous, everyone I know has a boyfriend
or girlfriend but me. I know fat girls that have boyfriends and
I can’t get one. I don’t think I’m ugly, but I’m
starting to think I am.
Alyosha: No, you’re a beautiful girl…I have something
to tell you.
Kaya: What?
Alyosha: Liz and I aren’t going to see each other anymore.
Kaya: How come?
Alyosha: Because I didn’t love her, she couldn’t make
me laugh.
Kaya: I can make you laugh.
Alyosha: Yeah, you can. You have a wild personality; it’s
so delightfully neurotic.
Kaya: Yeah, I guess it is… What are you gonna do?
Alyosha: Just go on with my life, that’s all.
Kaya: Do you feel lonely?
Alyosha: Yeah, I do. I feel like no one is even near me, like I’m
in some Denny’s desert waiting for coffee that will never
come.
Kaya: Yeah, I feel that too. Like I don’t understand, there’s
all these people on the earth, but I can’t relate to a single
one of them, no matter how hard I try.
Alyosha: Like there’s no true connection between you and
anybody else. Like we’re all miles apart in our own little
worlds.
Kaya: Yeah, like that. It’s so sad on all the worlds too…
So sad and dreary.
Alyosha: I feel so heartbroken all the time, like I’ve lost
something great, but I haven’t lost anything at all.
Kaya: I know my heart feels broken too. Life is so strange, why
can’t it just be normal?
Alyosha: What’s normal life?
Kaya: A life where I have someone to sleep with at night.
Alyosha: That does sound good. I haven’t slept next to anyone
in months.
Kaya: I used to sleep next to my ex-boyfriend Jim, and it felt
so good, so natural, so peaceful. I didn’t even love him,
and when he was awake he was such a jack-off. But when he was asleep,
and I would cuddle him in the night, it felt so good.
Alyosha: The night is so big, it terrifies me, it drenches me with
its sadness. But when I had someone to sleep with, it felt all right,
I felt that life had hope.
Kaya: Life is so hopeless, what do we have to look forward to.
A bad job, a shitty family, anti-depressants, I don’t know
how I muster the energy to go on. I don’t even have a father,
who am I supposed to make happy? Who am I supposed to achieve things
for?
Alyosha: Your mother.
Kaya: She’s never achieved anything her whole life. Last
year she married a rich guy to take care of her, she has no self-respect.
Alyosha: You’re right; any woman that would marry for money
is way behind the times.
Kaya: Damn straight. You won’t see me doing something like
that. I’m gonna make my own money, I’m not gonna depend
on any man when I grow up.
Alyosha: What do you plan on being?
Kaya: A chemical engineer.
Alyosha: Good in math?
Kaya: Yeah, I’m real good.
Alyosha: What do you think about Liz and I’s relationship?
Kaya: I think Liz went over-board. She always does that; she gets
completely obsessed way too fast. The boy notices it, and runs.
She doesn’t have very long relationships because of it. And
also in my opinion she’s not right. Something is intensely
wrong, her mood swings are too drastic, it’s like goddamn
World War Two when she gets pissed… The stupid thing is, she’ll
call me crying and I’ll rush over. And she’ll be sitting
there losing it, and then I ask what the hell is wrong, and it’s
always something completely moronic… It’s strange because
she acts so normal, and then she has a mood swing and it’s
like the death of God.
Alyosha: Yeah, I noticed that. It’s like she has no control
over emotions.
Kaya: None whatsoever.
Alyosha: How do you feel about Liz truthfully?
Kaya: I feel that I’ve moved on to something new. I’m
a senior in high school now, and I’ve already sent in my application
to YSU, and I’m getting ready to start a new life. I don’t
care much about making fun of cheerleaders anymore like she does.
She’s still in high school mentally, and I don’t even
think she’s attempted to get ready for college. I doubt she’ll
even go, most likely if she does go, she’ll never go to class
because she’ll be constantly having a nervous breakdown.
Alyosha: Why do you still talk to her, if you feel this way?
Kaya: I talk to her when I can’t find anybody else to talk
to. She’s my last resort.
Alyosha: It’s odd how time changes people.
Kaya: Yeah, Liz and me used to be best friends, now we don’t
have anything to do with each other.
Alyosha: Do you still feel lonely?
Kaya: Yeah, I feel it in my gut, the desolation. I don’t
know what to do, I’m human, but I don’t feel like it.
And what the hell does it mean to feel human anyway, you know? What
exactly should a human feel like?
Alyosha: Bored, I guess. I don’t feel human either, more
like a horsefly. Like I’m some ugly insect that flies around
pissing people off.
Kaya: I don’t know what I feel like, a dumb high school student.
Alyosha: I was in high school once, it fucking sucked.
Kaya: You’re so lucky, but in four months I’m done,
yippee.
Alyosha: It sucks to graduate; life becomes more and more retarded,
as you get older. It never really gets hard, it just gets retarded.
Kaya: My life is retarded now.
Alyosha: But it gets even more retarded. As you get older, people
expect things from you, like finishing college, getting a job, getting
married, having a kid, getting a big house, people expect these
things, and if they don’t get them. They get pissed. Of course
they don’t tell you how pissed they are, but it’s apparent.
Kaya: I’m afraid of life, I don’t want to have to grow
up. I have no interest in growing up, it doesn’t seem worth
it, but I’ll do it anyway.
Alyosha: Of course you’ll do it, you have to.
Kaya: What about you, are you gonna grow up anytime soon?
Alyosha: I don’t have to grow up.
Kaya: How come?
Alyosha: I’m a writer, writers don’t have to grow up,
it’s part of the profession.
Kaya: What if you never get a book published, are you just gonna
spend the rest of your life in your parents' house.
Alyosha: No, eventually I’ll move out. Eventually I’ll
get my shit together and live my life. But currently, I can’t,
the pain I feel is too immense.
Kaya: Why do you feel so much, have you ever had to even suffer,
are your parents even divorced?
Alyosha: I’ve never really suffered, nothing bad has ever
happened to me. I’ve lived a sweet life actually, but my chemicals
won’t let me be, my mind will not give up thinking, it will
not give me a moment’s peace.
Kaya: I don’t think I understand.
Alyosha: No one does, everyone just thinks I’m a slacker,
but I’m really suffering, I’m really screaming inside
and there’s nothing I can do to release it.
Kaya: That must be horrible.
Alyosha: I’d rather be in a jungle tribe than be myself in
America.
Kaya: You’re a strange boy, Alyosha.
Alyosha: Yeah, probably… Sometimes I feel so lonely I start
to believe that there’s a God and a heaven I can go to when
I die, then I catch myself, and suffer more.
Kaya: Me too… I would really like to believe in God, but
I can’t, I just can’t.
Alyosha: I think you’re really beautiful.
Kaya: Thank you.
Alyosha: I want you to sit next to me.
Kaya: Are you for real, you just broke up with Liz.
Alyosha: Liz and I were never going out, and I’ve always
liked you more.
Kaya: Okay.
(Kaya gets up and moves next to Alyosha)
Kaya: What do I do now?
Alyosha: I’m gonna put my arm around you, and move you closer
to me.
(Alyosha puts his arm around Kaya, Kaya is nervous. They sit
touching. From the counter Ivan yells for Alyosha. Alyosha runs
over and sits next to Ivan.)
Ivan: What are you doing?
Alyosha: I’m teaching her PDA, she’s incapable of doing
it. So I’m gonna teach her.
Ivan: You’re a maniac. Leave the poor girl alone; you’ll
lead her on.
Alyosha: No, this girl understands me.
Ivan: She’s a dumb high school girl.
Alyosha: No, she’s different.
Ivan: They’re all different. (Sarcastically)
Alyosha: You’re right, but she’s so cute.
Ivan: There’s a place for people like you.
Alyosha: Where’s that?
Ivan: Hell.
(Alyosha runs back to the table and sits next to Kaya.)
Alyosha: Kaya. (Pause)
Kaya: Yeah?
Alyosha: I think I have to go, I’m tired. (Alyosha gets
up and puts his coat on.)
Kaya: Wait stay.
Alyosha: No, I can’t, I have to go. (He exits.)
(Kaya sits looking sad.)