Hey, Joel Osteen, I Like Your Teeth!

Joel Osteen Become a Better You cover

I was thinking the other day, how can I become a better me? And then I realized, hey, didn't that smiley guy from TV write a book about that?

Yes, he did. According to the press material, "In Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day, Joel Osteen, America's best-known pastor, will inspire and motivate you to live with more joy, hope, and peace — truly a life of victory!"

But Publishers Weekly countered, "Though this book is destined for strong sales, it offers nothing innovative."

Apparently, there's no money in innovation when it comes to spirituality.

It's all about having a nice smile.

I never got that. Who wants a preacher with perfect teeth? If you're going to talk about struggle and redemption, I want to see your scars.

Calling Osteen's brand of Christianity "spiritual escapism," Ole Anthony, the president of the Trinity Foundation, a religious-fraud watchdog group, told Good Magazine:

"The reason [Osteen is] so popular is because of the spiritual infantilism of America. Not just spiritual, the infantilism of American culture," Anthony says. "And he feeds the Paris Hilton, Britney Spears culture. It's all me. Benefit me. What can I do for me? How can I feel better? What can I do about me? How you can get the best of your life? It's all me-centered."

Oh, well. I will say this for Joel Osteen: he is a monster of a business man. And he hasn't gotten caught molesting teenage boys yet as far as I know. Which puts him ahead of most of the megachurch preachers who have become larger than life.

At least so far.

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