I was living in Los Angeles. As it turned out, I had a friend who
had a friend who had a scat porn video. I had seen a lot at that
point, already, in terms of pornography. Things too numerous to
mention, I suppose, if I think about it. But, I had never seen coprophagy.
I wrote an email to the guy with the crapping tape. It was a compilation
shit vid, he told me. Could I borrow it? I wanted to know. It seemed like a good idea, at the time.

You know. To see what I hadn't seen.

I watched it by myself in my bedroom. That's where I kept the VCR.
I sat on the edge of my bed. I was real close to the TV-screen.
I don't know why. I was nervous, I guess. I didn't occur to me to
invite anybody over to watch it with me. Maybe, it was a private
kind of a thing, for me. Maybe, I couldn't think of anyone who would
want to come over.

The tape was long and abruptly edited. A woman enthusiastically
ate poop off a plate with a knife and fork. Gay men in leather forced
fecal matter down one another's throats. The most memorable scene
took place in a dark dungeon. A series of men lined up to take a
dump on the face of an overweight brunette woman lying down on the
floor while an angry older woman screamed at them in German that
I could not understand. It was sort of funny, in a way, but it was
also very tragic. Finally, one of the men came up, and delivered
a giant cow pie right onto the woman's face. You could see her whole
body tense up. The woman had probably had enough, at that point.
It obliterated her entirely.

I felt bad. For both of us.

I tried to not feel bad while I watched the rest of the video.
It was hard not to feel that way, though. After awhile, it seemed
not exactly wrong, but I wouldn't say it seemed so very right, either.

Maybe a year or so afterwards, I was in England at a private party
populated primarily by people whose lives revolved around strange
fetishes. As it turned out, the host was a coprophagiac. I spent
about an hour talking to him about his practices. He had a specially
designed toilet that the women he dated used to go the bathroom
in his mouth. He was a very smart man. Very articulate about the
things he did. He was not at all ashamed of himself.

I was fascinated. Charmed, really.

It's hard to know what to think, sometimes. It's impossible to
know what to say to people when they tell you things about themselves,
or show you sides of themselves that are hard to comprehend. When
they do it, I keep my mouth shut and I listen. They, after all,
know themselves.

What do I know?

I don't know shit.

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