8|8 Buttafly.com
Site of the Month, January 2003
by Matt Borondy
Posted: January 15, 2003
 On
Jennifer Bishop's personal site, buttafly.com:
intelligent procrastination, you can find the kind
of wit characteristic of the burgeoning Maddox
school of cultural criticism, except with a smooth, professional
design--and no typos.
Recent anger-laced essays by Bishop include Nobody
Cares Why You Didn't Answer Your Phone: A lesson in voicemail
("Here's a test: pick up the nearest phone and call yourself.
Let it go to voicemail. When your outgoing voicemail message starts,
look at your watch and measure how much time it takes from beginning
to end. If it's more than six seconds, beat yourself in the head
repeatedly with the receiver"); Just
What the World Needs: More Chicken Soup for the Soul Books
("Based on what seems to be the current plan to shove sunshine
up the collective ass of every demographic on the face of the planet,
I predict that there will be a Chicken Soup book for the souls of
every group of people in the world by 2004"); and Grease
is
a crime against humanity ("Go live in the remote
Tibetan mountains if necessary, just do whatever it takes to avoid
this movie").
Unlike Maddox's Best Page in the Universe, Bishop
digresses from her diatribes long enough to put up some somewhat
positive content. (Which takes a bit more talent.) In her advice
column, she explains why women get upset even if you
answer "no" to the eternal question "Do I look fat?"
Another quality article: Introduction
to programming, bee-otch: Keepin it Real in da PHP:
$shit = array("cash", "hoes",
"guns", "weed");
foreach ($shit)
{
if ($your[$shit] > $my[$shit])
{
echo("bitch pleeze");
}
}
while ($keepin_it_real == TRUE)
{
get_drink_on($gin);
get_smoke_on($blunt);
}
 Jen
goes a step further and incorporates nifty features like The
Oracle of Starbucks, which is able to wholly describe
someone's personality based on what they drink at Starbucks.
Perhaps the most original/interesting part of her
site is the Hysterical
Liberal Magic Eight Ball, a perfect solution for those
moments when you want to engage in a political conversation but
can't find a liberal to argue with. This eight ball fills in nicely
for any smoke-blowing lefty.
You will also find quite an array of cool links on
buttafly. As the webmistress herself puts it, "To balance out
the fact that most of her content sucks, she also includes links
to good content from other sites."
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