This Message Has Low Self-Esteem
A montage of lines from recently sent emails by Matt Borondy, mixed up and merged into one.
I'm an all-around swell guy. And what's even better is that I love Jesus. Back in the days of no facial hair, he kept begging me to play the guitar.
The pressure of writing email is too great sometimes. No big deal though, I'm tough. Something that tastes good, even if you're not sick, is Echinacea Cold Care from Celestial Seasonings in Boulder, Colorado. My editorial policy goes something like "Anything that talks about Boulder or Buddhism is cool." I should put that on the submissions page, probably.
I've got my 2500 mp3s playing on random and it's kind of driving me schizo. I...had this dream that I was brushing my teeth in Los Angeles and accidentally got the brush caught in my mouth and pulled out all my teeth. Made me think of Enron. [I think you were in the dream, but it wasn't you, it was some overweight 50yearold woman of the same name, who looked like a jr high lunch lady.]
No clue what's causing the AOL problem, though I'm sure it's yet another piece of conclusive evidence that AOL is run by Satan. I signed up the other day for the IM name LittleDickCheney because it sounded funny and also (as someone later pointed out) I have been having heart problems. Right after I got the confirmation e-mail from AOL I got a spam e-mail entitled "Give Her Something Bigger."
Yes, this computer (which isn't mine) seems to have difficulty living in the "present moment." I kind of get the impression she's a mega bitch, though I haven't read any of her encyclopedia-sized attempts at verbal entertainment, so I can't be sure. Any insight?
What kind of info do you want, exactly? My quarter is going to bitch-slap Chris Berman into next week. Bitch ass penny got no cred. As evidence of my being an undisputed badass, I beat that little coin down like the whiney abe-lincoln faced bitch that it is last week.
Tampa Bay's running back's wife was banging Cleveland's free safety. "They kept us bumfuzzled all day with their alignments and things," coach Bobby Bowden said. "When you give that many points away and that much field position, it makes it difficult to win ballgames. There is no excuse. I'm not such a badass after all,'' LSU coach Nick Saban said. That interview can go in the forthcoming "best american interviews 2002" guest edited by Kato Kaelin.
It is not going to happen. Dinner, I mean. That's a 200-yard hair. Kinda like the one I once got in a chocolate cake at Denny's. You're culturally literate enough to understand that's not a porn shop. More than likely it was a side effect of grossly ineffective cold medicine. I better delete that in case there's a terrorist attack. You guys should come to Orlando; there are more restaurants here. There is much to do in Mickey-land. It's your space, you can do whatever you want with it.
They make CDs that sound like rainfall. I would buy them if I lived in southern California. I haven't been there since, like, 8th grade. (Then again that was before my Dick Cheney heart problems.) Sorry about that. I am a toothless piece of illiterate doggie poop.
Thanks for the poem. It's gotten great reviews. (Like, "I don't understand this poem, can you explain it to me?") Heard you're gonna be heading up the 9/11 probe. Way to go. I'm gonna go work on the whole "acquiring employment" thing. I promised you a non-bitchy email, but I have been sick, so.
Hope you're not dead or something similarly vacant.
^ A montage of lines from recently sent emails by Matt Borondy, mixed up and merged into one.