"I'm Still Alive": Some Thoughts
on Memorial Day
An
Impromptu Essay by Matt Borondy Excerpted from the May 26, 2006
Identity Theory Newsletter
Recently, a merry band of tiny black ants arrived
in my bathroom and fell insanely in love with my fluoride-laced,
Cool Mint-flavored mouthwash. The thought actually crossed my mind
that the low levels of fluoride would somehow be able to kill off
the ants. It was strange to think that I regularly, voluntarily
swish a liquid around in my mouth that I believe, on a subconscious
level, to be capable of poisoning a massive number of ants. This
delusion was more a matter of convenience, though; if I could convince
myself that the fluoride could kill the ants, then I wouldn't be
responsible for having to get rid of them—no guilt or effort
would be required.
During my nearly 28 years on this planet I have gone through a
number of phases (though not nearly enough) in which, due to an
extraordinary amount of effort to live a proper spiritual existence,
I've felt connected, on a fairly deep level, to the forms of life
around me. Within the span of these precious and fleeting times,
I am remarkably disinclined to intentionally kill ants or roaches
or any other beings. I've actually gone through the trouble of capturing
cockroaches with makeshift containers and then releasing them into
"the wild" outside my apartment so that they are no longer
a nuisance to me but still remain alive. That probably sounds a
bit ridiculous, but the fact is, during these times, the thought
of killing the roaches never even occurs to me.
Many people who follow certain religions are proud to tell you
about a commandment that says, "Thou shalt not kill."
It's interesting that this commandment is given seemingly equal
weight to taking a day off once a week and honoring your father
and mother and all of that stuff, because it seems like those commandments
aren't even in the same ballpark. It's also interesting that those
with pious ideologies tend to interpret it to mean, "Thou shalt
not kill people, but thou can kill anything else thou wants and
it won't have any effect on thou's cow-slaughtering soul."
The reason I bring this up is that, given that there are often
times when killing an insect seems inconceivable to me, it's weird
to think that the idea of eliminating human beings even pops into
some people's heads—that there's even a need for a commandment
against it. And it's even stranger to think that war is such a commonly
endorsed solution to problems—that it's socially acceptable
for governments to kill people, be they criminals, tyrants, or collateral
damage. How did this all get started? To quote a famous comedian,
"Who was the ad genius who came up with this idea?"
Somewhere, somehow, someone got the absurd notion that it would
be a good idea to kill someone else. Perhaps it was territorial;
maybe it was over a girl. They might have seen animals killing each
other and followed their example. Monkey see, monkey do. It's complete
insanity, though, to think that in the year 2006 the human race
has still not been able to overcome this wholly ridiculous idea
that life can somehow be improved by causing a massive number of
people to die. (This once-feverish idea is strangely and abruptly
abandoned, of course, when the person with the murderous ideology
is on the other end of the sword.)
Today, the words "I'm still alive" popped into my mind
with an incredible force. It was like someone hit me over the head,
and I had to pause for a while, like one would take time to absorb
a particularly captivating sunset. What accompanied these words
was the thought that I really have no idea why I am still alive
and others are dead—and that there is no way of knowing how
much longer I will be here or why. These are thoughts which, due
to their painful obviousness, are easily assimilated into one's
mind and given little weight on a typical, non-introspective sort
of day, but today they carried a stronger power and brought about
a series of insights and perceptions which can alter a person's
view of the world, or at least reinforce one's notion of transience.
It's nice to be reminded of one's temporary nature—and the
temporary nature of all things—on a regular basis.
Perhaps the reason that people are so inclined to kill lesser beings
and even human beings is that the mysteries and complications of
life are too oppressive to them. It is much simpler—at least
on the surface—to eliminate the existence of something than
to actually deal with the difficulties it presents. The ideology
of convenience, which is increasingly becoming the governing force
in our world, forgives such action, makes room for it. But what
kind of progress is this?
Saddam Hussein has long been captured, yet every day militants
are still killing each other in Iraq, more than three years after
the invasion, because our President sold the country and the world
the idea that war with Iraq would be convenient. He convinced the
masses that we could bomb the pieces out of that oft-invaded land,
remove the aged dictator from power, and then be gone within a few
months, leaving an entire nation of grateful Iraqis with smiles
on their faces and flowers in their hands, hugging all the departing,
unscarred soldiers in deep appreciation for our very convenient
war. Yes, very convenient, if you have no concept of reality.
We are all bred, from our early youth, to become channel changers.
If we get anxious or we get bored, all we have to do is change the
channel and find some other reality. As such, it was more convenient
for us to switch channels than to perhaps inquire about an exit
strategy, to maybe find out when the killing would end. Of course,
on September 11th, when it was our country that faced an act of
war and our fate was in the balance, we didn't bother with the remote
control. When the senseless killing of others is involved, though…wait,
aren't they going to name a new American Idol tonight? What channel
is it on?
This weekend is Memorial Day, when those of us blessed with the
material luxury of living in the United States will honor the people
who died while fighting for our luxuries, our security, our convenience.
As the child of many generations of military men and women, I support
this holiday and recognize its importance. But I can't help but
feel that if people had actually listened to the commandment they
were so proud to preach to others—if they had WORKED on making
nonviolence a reality as opposed to becoming intoxicated by the
IDEA of their own holiness—that we would have
never had a need for such a holiday.
Then again, everyone needs a day of rest. God commands it, after
all.
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