In the Smoke
by Robert Steele
Posted: February 20, 2006
He hadn’t been able to brush his teeth for
weeks, and when he bit into an apple, blood began to form along
his gums. He pitched the apple, walked toward the hospital’s
banquet hall, now and then holding his finger to his mouth to compress
the bleeding.
“Phillip, this way,” said Dr. Fox waving his hand from
a circle of older men. As Phillip approached Dr. Fox said, “You
don’t look well. You look pale. Too much time reading in the
library.” The collection of men, all dressed in deep black
suits, chuckled. Phillip smiled with his lips pressed together.
In fact, he had been in the library quite a bit lately. A recluse.
After he heard Allison’s diagnosis he could do nothing but
read. He hadn’t been eating; the lack of vitamins was beginning
to show on his face.
“Really though, are you sure you’re all right?”
asked Dr. Fox again.
“Maybe something I ate,” Philip answered.
The men nodded. “So what do you think you’ll end up
specializing in?” asked the largest man of the group.
“This is Dr. Gregory,” said Dr. Fox. Dr. Gregory was
the man with connections. He was the man Dr. Fox wanted Phillip
to meet. He could get anyone in at the medical school of their choice.
“Nice to meet you, Doctor,” Phillip said. “I’ve
always been interested in the heart. But I’m not really sure.”
“Plenty of time for deciding though,” said Dr. Fox.
“He hasn’t even written application exams.” The
men chuckled again. “Just a formality though. He’s been
studying to be a doctor since his early teens. Isn’t that
right Phillip?”
“Certainly, sir. I do plenty of reading.”
“We should get you in at the hospital sometime,” said
Dr. Gregory. “Reading is important, but practical knowledge
is good as well. When’s the last time you’ve been in
a hospital, Phillip?”
“You’re right, sir. It’s been quite a while.”
It wasn’t true. He had been in the hospital a few days earlier
to see Allison die. It was supposed to be her anyway. She could
hardly speak. Before she had always been the chattier of the two.
While chain-smoking that American tobacco, those Pall Malls, she
was always telling Phillip the problems of her day.
But in the hospital all of her excitement and animation had been
annihilated by her weakness. When he knelt beside her bed, listening
to her last wheezing breaths, he could only think of his studies,
his rather than cancer.
Dr. Fox took him aside. “He seems to like you so far.”
Phillip saw that the group of men were now all pulling on cigars,
their blue smoke rising to the frescoed ceiling and moving in circles
like a community of spirits. “Boys,” said Dr.Gregory
addressing Phillip and Dr. Fox. “Have a cigar. Cohiba,
Montecristo, or Sancho Panza.” Phillip took one. Dr. Gregory
looked satisfied.
“Cohiba--fine choice, Phillip.”
One of the doctors held a flame at Phillip’s mouth. He puckered
his lips around the cigar and kissed the flame. He was afraid to
remove the blood-soaked cigar. His smoke became a part of him as
he inhaled and exhaled; it curled, billowed, and veiled his face.
“Do you have any questions you’d like to ask me or
anyone else here?” asked Dr. Gregory.
Phillip was blind. He could only hear the faint voice amidst the
background of mutterings. He thought for a moment about the question,
which now seemed to echo throughout the banquet hall. He spoke out
of the side of his mouth, through the fog of smoke. “Well,
yes I do actually.” There was a long pause and the curious
group of men leaned in to listen. “How do you deal with things
like death?”
The men all seemed to empty themselves of smoke for a moment. With
plumes moving closer to his face, Phillip’s eyes welled.
“All I can say is this,” said Dr. Gregory. He spoke
the words softly, in what seemed to be an attempt to direct them
toward Philip alone. “You can’t be too
serious.”
A doctor passed by. His movement created a current of wind that
shifted the smoke away from Phillip’s face, making it circulate
beside him. He removed his cigar, holding it hidden within the clouds
of smoke. As he opened his mouth, blood spattered across his teeth.
He could do nothing but smile.
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