Jessica Rowland
July 28, 2002
a 10% authorized biography by Matt Borondy
Jessica Aleah Rowland was born on April 22, 1982 in Dallas (I think). When I was in Oklahoma a few weeks ago, I ate at an Arby's that had a bunch of paintings by someone named Aleah. I thought of Jessica. Her initials are JAR.
When Jessica was six years old, she won $300 in a bingo game at my dad's company picnic, defeating a bunch of frustrated adults who needed to pay bills. She wanted to buy candy with it. Or a pony. Yeah, I've heard that story like five times in the past week, so you might as well hear it, too.
Jessica likes horses. And obscure French yogurt. And the color green. And the color purple. And mountains. And James Joyce. And Scrabble.
Anyway, Jessica lived in Dayton, Ohio for about 15 years. In fact, I took a picture of her wearing a shirt that says "I'm from Dayton." Hey, I know, I'll put it on this page. Yeah. Good idea, Matt. Here it is:
What else. Um, she goes to the University of Texas at Austin, where she's planning to graduate in December, or maybe she'll make some other plans in the meantime. The thing about Jessica, she's always planning. She just got back from France, Amsterdam, and I think a couple other places. She likes the Dali Museum, but is only slightly fond of the understocked Van Gogh museum.
The best thing about Jessica, though, is that if you might, say, have an anxiety attack at Whole Foods, she will gladly give you a few pieces of lettuce to make you feel better. IF you ask, I mean. She's the goddam lettuce queen, really. Just don't expect, like, any salad dressing, or a plate.
Nowadays, Jessica is going to summer school, working for Tony Sanchez's Texas gubernatorial campaign, and quoting The French Lebowski. (That's The Big Lebowski, with French subtitles). I sure hope I spelled gubernatorial correctly.
"Mec" is "Dude" in French.
Yeah, so, those are some details about my pseudolittlesister Jessica, who named the id theory poetry section and wrote an article about bitchy chicks A FEW MONTHS AGO. Oops, accidentally hit the caps lock button.
For more info on Lance Armstrong's toughest competitor, check out--
website: um,
there's the jessica rowland fan page, which somehow still exists
Identity Theory Article: The
Truth About Women
if you would just like to send her a nice, big chocolate cake, email jrowland@mail.utexas.edu.