If I Should Die Before I Wake

While spring cleaning, I came across a crumpled letter I had placed in an old Beatle scrap book in my youth. It made me smile.

To whom it may concern,

I heard my mother tell my father that everyone should have a will. So here’s mine.

First, I want to leave my favorite Beatle album to my best friend Candy Schroeder. She loves The Beatles like me, and “Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” is her favorite, too. She could scratch hers and then she’d have another one. I’m not sure which is her favorite song on it because she changes her mind practically every day, but mine is “She’s Leaving Home.” Paul sings it. Candy definitely gets “Sergeant Pepper’s.”

Next, I will leave my second favorite Beatle album to Janet Bachelet. She always plays “Rocky Raccoon” so loud I can hear it through the dumbwaiter. Oh, that’s the white one, in case you didn’t know. It says “The Beatles” on the album cover but you have to look really hard because the writing is white and so is the cover and that’s why they call it the “White Album”. I keep all of my Beatle albums in alphabetical order so it’s easy to find them. It’s the last one because it begins with a w.

All of my records are The Beatles except for “California Dreaming” and that’s The Mamas and The Papas and they have two boys and two girls on the cover and you can’t get them mixed up because The Beatles are all boys. Really cute boys. They’re almost men but not yet, thank God! Anyway, Janet is my second best friend so that’s why she gets my second favorite album.

I feel sorry for my little sister because she only has “The Monkeys” album and I think they copy off The Beatles and they aren’t half as good so I leave all of my other Beatle albums to her. And of course my half of the record player. She already owns the other half.

Oh, I forgot! I wanted to leave “Revolver” to my dad because that has the song “Taxman” on it and my dad is always complaining about taxes. My mom gets The Mamas and The Papas record because she always hums to it.

Now, for my most favorite thing in all the world. To my children who aren’t born yet, I leave my Beatle scrapbook. It took me a whole summer to cut all of my Teen Beat and Sixteen magazines to fill up the pages. It came out really good.

Now I am going to say goodbye because I might as well die because without my albums and scrapbook life will be horrible!

And that’s the end of Valerie Ann Theresa Majors, God rest her soul.

Ps Tell Paul I love him.

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