A composite of the 777 e-mails I’ve deleted in the past few days
Dear FIRSTNAME (friend),
I know you’re very busy so I’m gonna get right to the point. THE INCUMBENT PRESIDENT(CHIEF OLUSEGUN OBASANJO) HAS MAPPED OUT SOME STRATEGY TO USE THE COUNTRY’S PETROLEUM MONEY TO FINANCE HIS CAMPAIGN, HE RAISED THE COST OF PETROLEUM PRODUCT TO MAKE MORE MONEY AND THE MASSES ARE SUFFERING BECAUSE OF THIS. While wearing this quality, 100% cotton tee, you’ll be showing your support for the greatest country in the world and our troops! Thank You- God Bless Our Troops
Our anonymous donor is delighted with the humorous messages that have been posted, so far, in response to the "Ho" challenge. They’re EXPENSIVE and TIME CONSUMING. Did you ever imagine having access to a beautiful young model, 24 hours a day?
The medical community now confirms that the "mind" is a woman’s most powerful sexual organ. I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.
I am Joe Gavy, the first son of Gavy Tako, the most popular black farmer in Zimbabwe who was murdered in the land dispute in my country. Gee, everybody’s talking about it. Matt, It’s not easy being a millionaire.
Hell, I think that maybe I want to marry you. YOU MUST ACT NOW! Get your car fixed so you won’t lose your job. It only takes a few minutes, and there is absolutely no obligation!
It wont even cost you a penny, friend. Why play with your own money when you can play with ours? Get a new roof, door or windows. You’ll never have to worry about mosquito bites again!
The most important question of our generation is "How will prophecy unfold in the coming weeks?" So prepare to embark on an adventure of legendary proportions as you make a name for yourself on land and in the sky. Your teeth will lighten up to 8 shades or more.
Join the revolution that’s sweeping the nation. I mean, if he’s going to have sex with random women then why shouldn’t I have sex with random guys? I’m the horniest housewife there is, and I know for sure there are over 20,000 other horny housewives here because my husband has been out all night for the past three nights and he won’t answer his cell phone! Take action and feel good about yourself.
Do you know how to recession-proof your career? Your main goal is to get in the habit of walking. Don’t hold your breath when lifting weights. Don’t fall prey to destructive viruses or hackers!
Barefoot Coral Calcium May Be The Answer You Have Been Searching For. Not only did it increase the size it also stopped premature ejaculation! Why am I telling you all this? OUR DOCTORS WILL WRITE YOU A PRESCRIPTION FOR FREE!
You’re the first player. You can turn your computer into an Automatic Cash Machine…Indulge your passion for coffee. You’ll never pay for coffee you don’t want.
YOU are 5 minutes away from YOUR Dream-Home! Say Cheese! You could be the Grand Prize Winner! This is done on purpose, because the act of charity is to be carried out free from judgment and personal consideration, totally without attachment.
The Infant Creepers are here! Popup Begone! Don’t let your smoking habit make you think you can’t get term life insurance to protect your family!
The W Doll, the first release by Talking Presidents, has the ‘highest approval rating’ among collectors and political enthusiasts world-wide. It’s your cable companies Worst Nightmare.
Mari teaches you her most effective body sculpting moves. Tiny Girls Taking Huge 9 inch cocks. You must be able to devote at least 8 hours a week and have a BURNING DESIRE to be successful. If you feel that your erection could be better, try Viagra.
10 million men know that Viagra works! Virtually no one has heard of this company or product. The ultimate expression of your individuality! 1,000′S OF SEXXXY MOMMAS FOR FREE!! CLICK HERE!!
GET A FREE Penis Enlarger Exercising Pump. I can’t say that now I’m some huge "ba-gillionaire", but I can say that Frank’s program really worked–The feeling is quite surreal. It is like being carried inexorably against your will. It elicits a sense of powerlessness. I search to find the words to utter a protest. They do not come easily.
Has your family been exposed to explicit web sites? As seen on NBC, CBS, CNN, and even Oprah. Due to the high volume of traffic to our website for this product, it may be down at times.
There’s nothing quite like telling a woman who is drop-dead beautiful that you’re busy doing something, and maybe you’ll come talk to her later. The use of this utterance first began a very long time ago. A young monk had tremendous difficulty learning to stifle his conversational nature. He would talk and talk, disrupting the other monks, especially when he was very happy. Confidence is on your side when you speak the language.
Awwwww, did you miss out on our FREE business card offer? Is there anything I can do to remove this problem? We apologize for any inconvenience.
Have you noticed your computer running slower than ever? That’s when Frank came up with the idea to videotape us having sex in the living room on my couch among other things I wasn’t crazy about it at first but we had tried everything else so it was worth a shot, and this time it worked!!!
Don’t be lonely anymore! Go watch Marlon Brando in "A
Streetcar Named Desire." Women will tell you that he
is a SEXY BITCH in that movie. Oh, by the way, he also beats
his wife and rapes his
wife’s sister in that movie. This is Definitely The World’s Largest Daily Joke Network.
I’m 33 and never really had any problems with women bar the
odd hiccup when I let the desire of a beauty get the better
of my own self control. Naturally, this got to be quite annoying. I owe my creditors THOUSANDS! There can’t be anyone worse off than me!
16 days left to register for one of the premier spiritual events of 2003. If you are looking for a way to supercharge your sex-life, put the "wind" back in your sails or dramatically increase the "ooh-la-la" factor in your relationship, and you are reluctant to take drugs, creams or herbs – then this may just be YOUR solution.
Live in the United States? Click here for chance to win 50 lbs. of lobster! Or, earn your high school diploma. Don’t let your motor idle on this one! California residents will be responsible for taxes.
Matt, I have some important psychic information I’d like to share with you. It’s about the future. I have a Complimentary Pasta Pot for you; it’s FREE, and I just need to verify your mailing address. You’ve never owned your own business. Maybe you simply don’t believe us.
It’s doubtful that anyone actually enjoys putting together a resume. Many find it hard to even get started and procrastinate as a result. But without it, no one will know who you are. You cannot get that flavor by opening a can. The signal travels through walls, doors, floors… anything! I’m a little pissed off about it.
Please accept our apologies if you received this mail in error. Your privacy is extremely important to us. Produce Stronger, Rock Hard Erections.
Well, this is the REAL DEAL…There’s no smarter return on your spending than cold, hard cash. If you do not see improvement in your child’s reading ability, just return it and we’ll refund your complete purchase price (less S&H). This is a sudden thing. In fact, I was intimidated by it.
P.S. Please help your friends and family who suffer from
pain by forwarding this message.